


Blackbird

by jensencanfricklemyfrackle



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Comforting, F/M, Fluff, Nightmares, Torture, second Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 10:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12702645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensencanfricklemyfrackle/pseuds/jensencanfricklemyfrackle
Summary: Blackbird. A back up Winter Soldier, created to be better than Bucky Barnes, created to be able to hunt him down if he went rogue. but the Avengers captures her, and Steve saves her. Steve fixes her just like he fixed Bucky, but Bucky is attracted to her because she is the same as him. Did I mention that she had two metal arms?





	1. Chapter 1

I ground my teeth together, the electricity that was running through my body was making my muscles clench and shudder. Even though I was extreme pain, a crown made out of nails digging into my skull, and metal probes stabbed into my skin, transferring the electricity, I refused to make a sound, that would only make it worse for me, I knew that from previous experiences.

I’m sitting sedately in my chair, my hands hanging loosely over the end of the arms of the chair, my forearms bound to the chair with reinforced metal bonds.

I can feel myself zoning out, staring into nothingness, when someone opens the door.

I turn my head slowly, my (Y/E/C) focusing on a man in a suit, his blood red tie catching my eye. He walks up to me, sitting on a stool in front of me. My head swivels back to face him, my face blank.

“Ah, Blackbird, you’re awake”

I hate that name. All I feel is hate, and obedience. But something in me sparks at that name that everyone calls me. Blackbird.

All of my memories were gone, fuzzy at best. But one memory was always clear, always easy to remember. Sitting on green grass, staring up into the sky, and watching tiny birds zoom above me, beautiful black birds that dipped and swooped and swerved around each other. I can remember chuckling to myself before I looked back to the ground, to see a group of black clothes men sneaking up on me. I started to get up to my feet in order to run but I feel something pierce into my neck, then I couldn’t feel my body anymore. Apparently, the last thing that I had said before I became fully unconscious, was Black birds. So, that’s what they started calling me. I don’t even remember my own name anymore.

I realize that I had zoned out when the man in the suit tuts, his fingers clicking in front of my face. I slowly look up again, locking gazes with the man, staring with blank eyes.

“Now, Blackbird, we had a little anger trouble with you, but it’s all fixed now. But we want to make sure this never happens again.” The man in the suit stands up and walks out of the door, but not before he went to a panel and flicked a few switches, turning the electricity up even higher.

I started to scream then, my voice echoing around the room, my muscles straining against the restraints, my head falling back. I knew I shouldn’t be screaming, shouldn’t be trying to get out of the restraints, shouldn’t be disobeying orders but my body was reacting without my input. 

“We have a new mission for you”

 

……………………

 

“Steve, I don’t know about this” Bucky said uncertainly, shuffling on his feet, his flesh hand rubbing at his neck. This was his first mission since his ‘rehab’ with Steve, and it was a big mission, given to the Avengers by the one-eyed director himself.

Steve turned around to face Bucky, his free hand reaching out to grasp Bucky’s shoulder.

“Buck, you will be okay, I promise. It’s just a small Hydra base, just a go in go out” Steve said soothingly, locking eyes with Bucky, conveying the trust that Steve has for him.

“Are you two oldies ready yet?” Tony’s voice comes through the intercom in their ears, and Bucky flinches slightly. Steve smiles gently and turns away to look at the Hydra base they were going to invade.

“Alright Cap, Frosty, since you are all pumped up on super juice, you’ll be going in first and distract, while Clint and Natasha sneak in and work their way out.”

“And what about you Tony? What are you doing?” Steve asks as he picks up his shield.

“I’m air support of course! Me and Sam will keep an eye from the sky while you guys do all the hard work” Tony laughs.

“Come on guys, we need this distraction” Natasha prompts, making Steve chuckle as he and Bucky jog off towards the Hydra base.

 

20 minutes later, with all the Hydra soldiers unconscious, the group of Avengers searched through the small base, checking for anything that might be of interest.  
Steve and Bucky had just found a little room off the side of a large corridor when Bucky froze.

“I remember this place” Bucky hisses to Steve, and instantly runs to the wall, his hands running over the brick, searching for a seam, a hidden doorway, or something. Steve looked on in concern, anxiously watching Bucky’s face for any sign of the Winter Soldier, but there was no hint of him showing up. Only frustration and desperation showed on his face.

“Buck?”

“Steve, back when I was still the Winter Soldier, I remember this place, always before my ‘treatment’ and after when I walked out for my missions” Bucky moved to the bookshelf, and grunts as he pulls it away from the wall, revealing a set of stairs. Bucky looks back at Steve with a smug grin before rushing down the stairs, with Steve hot on his heels.

Steve and Bucky both reach the end of the stairs and find themselves in a long, dimly lit hallway, with a shadowy figure standing at the end. Frowning, Bucky took a step forward, his eyes squinting at the figure, but then freezes, his muscles tense.

“Blackbird” Bucky whispered, his metal hand clenching and unclenching. The shadowy figure stepped forward and slightly to the side, revealing a suited figure. They both step into the light, illuminating the shadowy figure as a girl, clad in black leather armour, but the sleeves were cut off at the elbows, revealing both her arms to be completely metal.

Bucky gasps involuntarily, eyeing the girl who was almost identical to him, apart from her two metal prosthetic arms, her dirty blond hair and the emblem of a bird on her armoured chest.

“Ah, Winter Soldier! You’ve finally arrived!” the suited man smiles as his hand lands on Blackbird’s shoulder. Bucky growls, his blue eyes lasered in on Blackbird’s (Y/E/C) eyes.

“Now James, you were an amazing Winter Soldier, until Captain America came and saved you. But we had a backup Soldier. Always have” the man uses his hand to brush through the curtain of Blackbirds dirty blonde hair.

“I’d say she’s almost better than you” the man steps back, leaning close to Blackbirds ear, whispering something before, with a wave, walking out of the hallway into a nearby room.

“Steve, we can’t kill her, we need to capture her. We can save her” Bucky looks at Steve with a desperate look. Steve sighs, then nods. But when they both look back at Blackbird, she has disappeared. 

“Uh, where did she go?” Steve asks as he and Bucky go into a defensive stance, their eyes roving the hallway for the metal armed girl. There’s no sign of her, but when they hear crunching sounds from the ceiling, they look up to see Blackbird hanging from her arms from the ceiling with her feet supporting her, the crunching sounds being her fingers digging into the cement.

“Shit” Steve mutters, raising his shield in front of him.

“Language, old man!” Tony barks, laughter evident in his tone.

“I don’t bloody care about language Tony! We have another Winter Soldier down here and Bucky wants to capture her!”

“Her? Her! Jesus Christ! I’m sending Nat down to you” Tony’s voice gets slightly higher pitched. Bucky had been keeping track of the girl but then he had looked back at Steve for confirmation, and when they had looked up, the girl was gone and a grill vent in the ceiling was hanging open.

“She ran?” Bucky walks forward a little bit to peer into the air vent.

“Buck, you should be care-“Steve is cut off when a foot is slammed into his back, sending him flying forward till he hits the wall at the end of the hallway with a grunt.  
Bucky whirls around when he hears Steve get cut off, and is instantly met with a flurry of kicks and attacks that he frantically blocks, getting forced back against the wall. Bucky could feel the Winter Soldier part of himself try to take control, but he fought it back, not wanting to become the mindless, emotionless soldier that he was for over 70 years.

“Blackbird, please, we can help you” Bucky pleads, trying to force her back but to no avail. He sees her bare her teeth, a low growl coming from her throat.

“I will not be a failure like you, Winter Soldier” she spits out the name, and using her left metal hand, pins Bucky to the wall with his neck.

Steve groans, getting up from the ground, grabbing his shield. He looks up to see Bucky fighting Blackbird, and then gasps as the girl’s hand pins Bucky to the wall by his throat. With a grunt, Steve throws his shield frisbee style at Blackbirds head. It whirs through the air, heading towards its destination, and it’s just about to whack into Blackbird’s head when her free hand whips up and catches the shield, her gaze still focused on Bucky’s rapidly reddening face.

With a growl, she slams the shield edge first into the ground, cleaving through the floor like butter. Then, she throws Bucky onto the floor with ease, making him grunt at the impact. She goes to stomp on his leg, hard enough to break it, when Bucky is pulled out from under her foot by Steve, who hauls him up when they are out of reach.

“God damnit Steve, I know her name! Her proper name!” Bucky yells as Blackbird leaps up towards the ceiling, her fingers digging into the cement. Using her legs, she gains momentum then swings like a gymnast towards Bucky, who quickly rolls out of the way. Her feet slide across the floor when she lands so she digs both hands into the ground to stop herself. Her head had fallen down, so when she looked up, her hair framed her blank face.

“Come on come on, come on” Bucky was muttering to himself, staying behind Steve as he closed his eyes, focusing on remembering Blackbird’s real name.

“Listen, we just want to help you, we don’t want to fight you” Steve tries to reason with her, but she shakes her head slightly.

“I have my orders” Blackbird reaches behind her back and slides two daggers out of sheathes on her back, made out of the same metal that her and Bucky’s arms are made out of. She holds them like a professional. She snarls, and goes to move forward towards Steve but Natasha pushes past Steve, both guns in her hands and aimed at Blackbird.

“Sorry sister, you’re going to have to get through me to get to Steve and Bucky” Natasha’s eyes focus.

“Natasha Romanova, I would think you would know about following orders” Blackbird says coldly, slowly walking towards them. Nat’s face pales, and her hands tighten on the grips on her guns.

“Fuck you” Nat spits out, and with a smile starts to fire straight at Blackbird’s face and chest. Steve goes to yell out not to harm her, but he didn’t need to. Blackbird easily dodged all the bullets and leapt forward, landing on Nat and pinning her to the floor, her knife pressed against her throat.

“Y/N” Bucky whispered to himself. With a gasp, he ran to Blackbird where she was pinning Nat to the ground, and pulled her off Nat, throwing her down the hallway. He runs after her, pinning her against the wall, his gaze locked with her.

“Y/N. That is your real name. Not Blackbird, not Soldier, it’s Y/N” Bucky yells at her, looking for any sort of reaction in her cold (Y/E/C) eyes.

“I have been Blackbird for all my life. Not Y/N. And I still have my orders” Y/N hisses at Bucky, shoving him back. She buries one of her daggers into Bucky’s thigh and is about to slice his throat when Nat turns up behind her and knocks her out with a pistol butt to the back of the head. She struggles to stay awake, her teeth bared but falls unconscious when she’s hit a second time on the temple.

“Buck, are you alright?” Steve rushes over to Bucky, sitting him up as he quickly pulls out the dagger from his thigh, quickly bandaging the wound.

“Ow” Bucky mutters, his hand tightening on Steve’s shoulder. Steve chuckled, patting Bucky’s knee.

“Guys, I don’t think she’s going to stay out much longer” Natasha yells as she snaps Avenger handcuffs around Y/N’s wrists. Y/N groans, her eyes closed as her arms subconsciously test out her bonds, blood trickling down her face from the cut on her face.

“Alright, let’s go” Steve grabs Y/N and yanks her to her feet, a hand around her waist as she struggles to wake up.

“Buck let’s go” Steve calls from over his shoulder as he manoeuvres her up the stairs. Bucky stays still, examining the dagger that was still stained with his blood. Natasha stops next to him, rubbing her throat tenderly. She places a hand gently on his flesh shoulder, not saying anything as she guides him up the stairs after Steve.

 

………………………….

 

I stared blankly at my lap, clenching and unclenching my hands, focused on the way the metal plates shift and move in place. My eyes then shift to the handcuffs that bind my wrists together. I grunt as I twist my wrists away from each other, struggling to break the handcuffs.

“Not going to work Sweet cheeks” A voice comes through the speakers in the contained unit that I was locked in. I look up to see a dark haired man dressed in a suit standing outside the window of the unit. He points at the handcuffs as I stare blankly at him.

“Specially made handcuffs for guys like you. All jacked up on super juice and all that jazz” the man runs a hand through his hair as I continue to stare at him. He was obviously getting uncomfortable under my gaze as he shifted his feet.

“Alright then. We’re nearly home so we can move you out of this small cell and into a bigger one!”

“Tony, leave her alone” the blond soldier walked up behind Tony, a stern look on his face as he gently pushes him away. The man named Tony shrugs, walking away as the blond man crouches in front of me behind the window.

“Hi there. I’m Steve Rogers. Do you remember me?” ‘Steve’ watches me, looking for a reaction that I don’t give. He waits for a minute, and when I don’t do anything, he sighs, and straightens up and walks to a nearby table.

My eyes follow him, watching as he looks through some files, some thick, some thin. He finally chooses one, and brings it backs to the window, propping it up and pressing the first page to the window with his hand. The picture on the page was of me.

“Y/N, we found all your files in that base, and we found the room that you were tortured in. We know what happened to you. Do you remember?”

“My name is Blackbird” I repeat, tearing my gaze from the file and back to the handcuffs, my nose flaring as I struggle to break free.

“Tony was right about the handcuffs, Y/N” Steve sighs.

I snarl as I jump off the bench, pressing up against the window with my hair flying and eyes wide.

“Do not call me that! That is not my name and will never be my name! Why do you keep calling me that!” I scream at him, attaching the window as Steve slowly backs away from the window, speaking into a communication device in his ear. I continue to scream, destroying everything in the unit as Tony and the red haired soldier rushed in, watching me rage. With my anger building, I rip the handcuffs apart, and everyone outside the unit rushes into action as they see that.

As Tony rushes to a control panel similar to the one in my torture room, I search the window, looking for a weak spot. Steve notices this and yells at Tony to hurry up. Smirking, I clench my fist and punch the window. I had expected it to crack but it turns out that it was made of plastic. I punch it again, raining a storm of blows onto the window, the thuds echoing around the unit.

I pause, hearing the vents activate and some sort of chemicalized air pumps into the unit. Smirking, I reach into a hidden pocket in my clothes but I freeze, my smirk draining from my face. I look up and see Tony holding a piece of leather in his hand. My face mask. He smirks, and in response I yell, attacking the window again, holding my breath. Tony frowns, handing over the mask to the red head, and walks back to the control panel, obviously increasing the dose of sedative that was now in the air.

“Tony, she’s had training for this. She’s probably able to hold her breath for at least 20 minutes. I can only do 19 myself” the red head mentions to Tony as she stares back at me. I nod, adding kicks to my flurry of attacks on the window. I can see the window starting to weaken, so I increase my efforts, and a crack finally appears. I go to attack again, but I grunt, my hands flying to my head as I fall to my knees, bending over myself so my forehead rests on my knees. My body is urging me to scream but my mind is screaming at me to keep my mouth shut, to not let these strangers win.

I look up to see a new stranger entering the room, her hands facing up as red mist twirled around her fingers, her eyes focused on me. She twists her fingers and the pain in my head worsens. I fall onto my back, one hand clamped over my mouth as I shudder, my free hand digging into the floor.

The woman walks closer, the red mist getting thicker, and then I am forced to scream, my mind and body giving in, the scream piercing through the window and making everyone flinch.

My scream finally dies off, my body going limp on the floor as my eyes flutter closed. And even though I was trained to notice my surroundings, I never noticed the other metal armed super assassin in the room.


	2. Chapter 2

I slowly wake up as a black fog lifts from my mind, my eyes blinking as I stare up into a blinding white light. I groan quietly, cracking my neck in an effort to wake myself up.

“Hey there sweet cheeks, good to see you’re awake” an infuriating voice pierces through my daze. My head rolls to the side and I see Tony, looking at one computer screen in a group of five computers. I roll my eyes and turn my head back forward, staring at the ceiling blankly.

“I can’t feel my arms” I realize, my head snapping down to watch my unresponsive arms. My head snaps over to look at Tony, who’s whistling a generic tune and looking away from my gaze.

“What have you done to my arms?” I snarl at him, trying to lunge out of the chair. He pretends to look confused and walks closer to me.

“I didn’t do anything, I just disabled your arms so you can’t use them” Tony shrugs, then backs up when I lunge at him, my eyes wild.

“Give me back my arms, you bastard! Give them back!” I scream at him, whipping my head back and forth as I tried to escape my bonds without my arms. I can see Steve and Bucky run in, and Steve stops inside the door but Bucky comes running to my side.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“That bastard has turned off my arms!” I scream at him, my panic at not having my arms overriding my hatred for that name they keep calling me.

“Tony, you can’t just take her arms away!” Bucky yells at Tony, who shrugs, tapping a button on computer. I gasp, my body falling limp onto the chair. I can only move my eyes now, and I look wildly around the room, finally landing on Bucky, who has a horrified expression on his face.

“What the fuck did you do to her, Tony?!” Bucky’s hand hovers over my shoulder but the sudden burst of anger in my eyes makes him back off.

“It’s just a paralytic, so she won’t keep thrashing around”

“Tony, you don’t understand, you’ve taken away the only things that can protect her. First her arms and now her body. You can’t do that!” Steve said forcibly, walking forward towards me, looking at my face in concern. I look up into his blue eyes and his mouth tilts into a frown as he sees the fear in my eyes. He turns to Tony.

“Tony, give her arms back and dial back the paralyser” Steve does the Captain America stern face and Tony grunts, clicking two more buttons on the computer, and I can feel the paralytic leaving my system. And with a sudden rush, power rushes through my arms. I sigh with relief, clenching and unclenching my fists. I slowly turn my head to look at the three men in the various positions in the room, cementing where they are in my mind. Then I focus on the closest person next to me, which was Bucky. I stare at him and he seems to read my mind, or my eyes at least.

 

“Don’t” Bucky warns, but I ignore him, and I snap out of the restraints, leaping off the chair and vaulting over Bucky, using his shoulders as a stand to help me flip over him. I land behind him, my knees bent as I grab his arm and flip him over onto his stomach.

Snarling, I place my knee in the centre of his back and keep him pinned down. I look up at Steve, my other target.

“If you come any closer I will break his back and he will never walk again, super soldier or not” I press down even harder when Bucky tries to move, and he grunts in pain.

“Y/N – Blackbird” Steve quickly calls you by your actual name when he sees my frown. “We just want to help you, help you overcome your training, just like we did for Bucky” Steve attempts to take a step but I press down harder.

“My training was more intense than the Winter Soldier. That file tells my story, they took me young and trained me like Natasha Romanova, then in my late teenage years, they gave me the super soldier serum. The training, the ‘special’ training. Much more intense” I stare blankly into the air for a moment, ‘training’ sessions flashing in my eyes before I snap out of it and stare at Steve again.

“Black birds”

I look down at Bucky, my eyebrows furrowing at him.

“What did you say?”

“You were watching black birds when Hydra took you. Watching them dip and swoop around each other in the air” Bucky whispered hoarsely, and I fall back onto the ground next to him.

“How do you know that” I hiss at him, and he groans quietly as he lifts himself up, rolling onto his side so he can face me.

“You told me, Doll” He locks eyes with me. I shake my head, pushing myself across the floor, away from him, until my back hits the wall.

“I don’t remember you”

“Hydra wiped your memory so many times, I know. But there was a brief period where we were training together” Bucky says softly, walking towards me and crouching next to me, his hand hovering over my shoulder.

“I don’t remember anything. Nothing” I whisper to myself, flinching when I feel Bucky’s hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Alright” Bucky backs off, looking pleadingly at Steve to help him, to help me.

“Okay Blackbird, we need you to get back in the chair. It’s time for your special training” Steve says in a loud, confident voice, his tone like the Hydra scientists. I look up and everyone can tell that I’m in a daze, I had reverted back to Blackbird, the soldier. 

I nod, getting to my feet and sitting back in the chair, looking back up at the ceiling. I flinch when Tony comes close to me, but I stop when I hear Steve tut.  
“Now, now soldier, don’t disobey me again, you know what happens if you do” Steve warns, and I nod. I didn’t move when Tony injected something into my neck, and I didn’t make a sound when I fell into unconsciousness.

 

…………………………

 

“How did you do that Steve?” I asked as I stand next to him, looking down at Y/N. Steve shakes his head, sighing as he runs a hand over his face.

“I did it with you Buck, when you were having a hard time during your ‘rehab’”

“Oh” My gaze flickers to Steve’s face. “Did it work?”

“Yep”

I nod to myself, studying Y/N’s face. Observing how her face is tense even when she was unconscious. How her body was kept tense and twitched every so often, as if she was fighting in her sleep.

“How did you know about the black birds?” Steve’s hand lands on my shoulder, holding it firmly. I sigh.

“Because I did know her. I met her once or twice, she confided in me about her only memory that she could clearly remember. Hydra told me about her, showed me her file. Warned me that if I failed, she would take my place. Then they wiped my mind, wiped her mind and put us in cryo.”

Steve pulls me into a hug, and I accept it, and after a couple of seconds I pull back, patting his shoulder, then pause as I look at him.

“How are we going to fix her?”

“I’ll help you” Wanda walks into the room, smiling at the two super soldiers. She gestures at the unconscious girl who had finally started to relax, her tense facial muscles smoothing out.

“I’ve been in her head, all she can remember is pain, torture and training, over and over and over again. All she has is that memory, and that is slowly fading away too. But there is something there, locked behind a door of forced obedience and psychological warfare.” Wanda is about to say more when her gaze is drawn to the chair, and when I turn around I see Y/N thrashing around in her restraints, her eyes wide and unseeing. Steve’s face falls but then he steps forward, looking down at her.  
“Soldier, enough!” Steve says forcefully and he grabs Y/N’s throat, pinning her to the chair. She immediately stops thrashing around, her blank eyes falling on Steve’s face.

“Blackbird, are you ready to comply?” Steve’s voice is cold and controlled as he stares down at her, and when she nods, he lets go of her neck and steps back.

“Soldier, repeat your last mission orders” Steve commands.

“Mission orders, injure but not kill Captain America and Winter Soldier” Y/N says blankly, her hair falling over her face. Bucky goes to move closer to her but Wanda grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Bucky, Y/N is completely focused on Steve, believing that he is a Hydra officer. She’s in a daze, and if you interrupt her or Steve we don’t know how she’ll react” Wanda whispers in his ear, and he nods.

“Soldier, we need to test your memory. Repeat memories starting from 48 hours ago. Don’t leave any details out.”

“Went to sleep at 11 pm after strength training. Woke up at 12:01 am. Stared up at the ceiling of my cell for five hours until I was taken out of my cell at 5 am. Then had special training for six hours until I was given my mission orders. Then I was fighting Winter Soldier, and he kept calling me by a name that I don’t recognise” Y/N frowns, but Steve quickly distracts with her another question.

“And tell me what you remember from your special training that day?”

“I obediently sat done in the chair and men and women in white coats strapped me down. Then they fiddled with my arms, making it stronger and more responsive. Then they strapped a metal crown with nails screwed through it around the crown of my head and tightened it so it broke the skin. Then they attached wires to my arms and inserted needles into my flesh, and they were all connected to the chair which was then connected to a control board near the doorway. Then they turned on the electricity with orders of not to move and not make a sound. They left me there for five and half hours until a man in a suit came in and started talking to me. He told me that I had an anger problem but they had fixed that but I didn’t know what he was talking about. Then he turned the electricity up and I tried not to make a sound but I couldn’t help it, couldn’t help disobeying orders. Then he gave me my mission orders.” Y/N looked up at Steve, her face turning suspicious as she searches Steve’s face.

“Who are you? Why am I here!” Y/N yelled, her eyes wild and her hands clenched. Wanda quickly steps forward and positions her hands on either side of Y/N’s head, and with a quick burst of red mist, Y/N falls unconscious.

“Hey! How come Wanda can put her unconscious and I can’t?” Tony complains, checking her vital signs on a tablet.

“Tony, her panicked thoughts were broadcasting into my mind, and she was scared, frightened of possible consequences that would happen by talking to someone she wasn’t meant to. And she was about to break her restraints again.”

“Oh. Thanks, I guess” Tony shrugs before turning to Bucky and Steve.

“Guys, I really don’t want her in my lab anymore, so we have the containment unit that Bucky used. Use it until you’ve fixed her, or when you’ve given up. Either one, up to you” Tony then walks out of the room, not seeing Steve’s eye roll.

“Come on Buck, let’s move her up to the top floor where the unit is” Steve moves towards her and gently unstraps her, injecting her with a mild sedative so they can move her.

“Can you help her Steve?” Bucky asks quietly. Steve turns around and gives him a small smile.

“I helped you didn’t I?”

Bucky nods, but couldn’t help but think of the nightmares he still has that he wakes up from screaming in the middle of the night, how he often couldn’t fall asleep for days at a time, how he sometimes had the urge to run away from the tower and Steve and to let the Winter Soldier take back control over him.

Snapping out of his daze, he sees Steve scoop up Y/N in his arms and head out the door with her. He follows them with Wanda following behind him.

 

…………………….

 

Day 1:

“Y/N, I can’t help you if you don’t cooperate”

Y/N just stared at Steve, his exasperated face making no impression on her. 

“My name is Blackbird” she states blandly, her intense Y/E/C eyes focusing on Steve’s own, making him blink and look away.

 

Day 10:

“You were abducted by Hydra when you were 8. You were kidnapped outside your house while you watched the birds flying around in the sky. Is that correct?”

“I only remember the birds. I don’t remember anything else”

“Wanda” Steve beckons Wanda forward and her hands light up in red.

 

Day 30:

“I do not know this name you keep calling me”

“This was your name before you became Blackbird. This was your name before you watched the birds”

“I don’t believe you”

 

Day 41:

“This is a picture of you before you were kidnapped” Steve held a faded picture in front of Y/N’s face, letting her study it as her arms twitched subconsciously. Y/N shakes her head and Steve frowns, leaving the picture in her lap, checking her restraints before stepping back.

“Just study it, try to remember it. I’ll bring you some more things later”

“Fine”

 

Day 49:

“This is your birth certificate. This is your year 5 reading award and this is your year 6 prom picture” Y/N studies the reading award intensely, her eyes roving over her supposed signature. She looks up at Steve with vulnerable eyes.

“They never let me read anything”

 

Day 70:

“Steve, give me back my arm” Y/N snarls at him, but Steve only shook his head.

“Y/N, you had a relapse so we had to disable your arm and give you a sedative. Your arm will reactivate in a couple of hours or so”

“I hate you Captain America”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m doing what I have to do”

 

Day 96:

“You haven’t had a relapse for 3 weeks, Y/N. I’m proud of you”

A small smile appears on the corners of her lips, the first smile since they had met her, but then she flinched and the smile disappeared, replaced by a frown.

“No one would be proud of me after things I have done”

“And what have you done?” Steve asks gently, and he flinches at the pain in Y/N’s eyes.

“I’ve murdered millions. And tortured thousands on top of that. And the worst thing of all is that I don’t remember any of it. But Hydra kept a list”

 

Day 112:

Y/N blinked, her clouded eyes clearing as Wanda retracts her red mist and steps back from her.

“I remember my parents, Steve” Tears start to fall down her face, and she tries to wipe away the tears but her arms are still restrained, so she tilts her head, letting her hair fall over her face and looks away from Steve’s sad eyes.

 

Day 124:

Steve carefully unbuckles the restraints around Y/N’s biceps and forearms, keeping eye contact with her as he steps away from her. She subtly flexes her arms, wiggling her fingers, listening to the plates clinking against each other. She looks up at Steve and frowns at his expression.

“I’m not going to attack you Steve. But I would really appreciate a punching bag”

Steve nods, a smile lighting up his face.

 

Day 140:

Steve watches as Y/N attacks the punching bag. She uses one hand at first to test it out, then she uses both fists, pounding it and sending it swinging, and continues to punch it with increased strength until she punches it one last time and the chain breaks and it goes flying into the wall.

She looks around at Steve with a bashful expression on her face.

“Sorry Steve”

“It’s okay, Y/N. I go through two or three punching bags a week on average”

“Oh. I don’t feel so bad now”

 

Day 162:

Steve blocks a punch from Y/N but doesn’t see her foot and his legs get swept out from under him and he thuds onto his back, grunting when Y/N’s knee lands on his sternum and one hand wraps around his throat and the other first is poised to punch him in the face. Steve’s eyes focus on Y/N’s and sees that her eyes are wide and unfocused.

“Y/N” he whispers hoarsely, and Y/N blinks, seeing him for the first time since they started sparring. She gasps and flings herself backwards against the wall.

“I’m so sorry Steve, I really am”

“It’s okay, you’ve progressed a lot since we first started, it’s expected to have some hiccups”

 

Night 178:

Y/N’s screams have Steve rushing to her containment unit, and when he looks in he can’t see her. He quietly opens the door, looking around cautiously until his ears pick up the sound of sobbing. He walks forward a couple of steps and he sees Y/N’s huddled form hiding behind the bed. He crouches in front of her, and reaches his hand out to her knee. She looks up and her tear-streaked face nearly breaks his heart.

“Hey there, are you alright?” Steve grunts when Y/N flings herself into his arms, her face buried in his neck.

“I dreamt that I was punished for talking to you. That all of this was just a hopeful dream and the hydra scientists punished me for thinking that there was hope” Y/N’s voice is muffled by Steve’s neck. Steve’s hand finds his way to her back and rubs her back in soothing motions.

“It’s alright Y/N, this is not a dream, this is real, I promise”

“Thank you, Steve”

 

Day 185:

“Y/N, Tony is hosting a party at the end of the week –“

“No Steve, I am not ready for social interactions” Y/N shakes her head violently, interrupting him, but stops when Steve tuts. She flinches slightly and Steve sighs.

“Y/N, it’s been 6 months, and you have improved so much. You are ready for this, and it’s only the Avengers, no one else”

“Steve, I can’t. What if I relapse?” Y/N’s arms wrap around her waist as her knees draw up to her chest.

“It’s been 3 weeks since you’ve had a relapse, and if you agree to go, I won’t leave your side unless you want me too. And if you want to leave, you just have to tell me and we’ll leave immediately” Steve takes Y/N’s hand, and she squeezes it in a death grip.

“Promise?”

“I promise”

“Fine. But I want to have access to new clothes” Steve smiles.

“Deal”


	3. Chapter 3

“Steve, I really don’t know about this” I say hesitantly, my fingers twisting with each other nervously as I sit on my bed, looking down at my hands in my lap. I look up when Steve’s shoes enter my field of vision, to see a gentle smile on Steve’s face, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Y/N, it’s been 6 months, and you have improved so much, and it’s time to prove it to the other Avengers. But you are wonderful, and amazing, and strong, and people will get past your previous reputation”

Steve’s praise in his low, soothing voice makes me blush unconsciously. I was still unused to praise as the only praise Hydra gave me was when I didn’t scream while getting electrocuted for five hours or when I had killed everyone that needed to die without hesitation.

I blink out of my daze when Steve’s broad hand reaches down for mine, gently pulling my metal hands apart and slips his own hand in mine, gripping it firmly. Contact was now longer an issue any more and I almost crave it now, as I had had multiple nightmares during the night and when I remembered a tough memory or when Blackbird was trying to resurface he would gather me in his arms and calm me down, and the good thing was that it was all purely platonic. The same with praise. I openly craved it and he gladly gave it, understanding my need for it.

I grab his hand back and he pulls me up off the bed, and he gently guides me out of the door, walking me down the hall to the elevator at the end. Everything after this hallway would be strange and unknown.

“What if I’m not formal enough” I look down at my clothes, which are black leggings and black combat boots with my tight grey shirt that went to my elbows, and fingerless motorcycle gloves that covered my hands and wrists, only leaving slivers of metal bare.

“Y/N, there is a 50/50 chance that Tony will wear pyjamas instead of a suit at one of these events. There is no such thing as informal in this place. Unless specified of course” Steve’s words make me smile, and it calms me down enough that I don’t even realise that the elevator door was opening on what must be the Avenger’s communal floor, which was now decorated with lights and tables of food.

I let out a squeak and I try to back myself back into the elevator but Steve tuts and guides me forward with a hand on the small of my back. I start to stutter and resist his hand but Steve sighs and stops me, his hands going to my shoulders as he makes me look at him.

“Y/N, do you trust me”

“I – I- yeah” I deflate as I admit that to him, and his hands tighten around my shoulders comfortingly.

“Then trust that I will get you out of here immediately if you really need to, and not just when you are anxious or nervous” His bright blue eyes finding mine. I nod and he pulls me into a hug, and I bury my face in his neck.

“Thanks Steve”

He hums and pulls away, but I stop him from walking away when a thought appears in my mind.

“Was Bucky like me when you first took him down to meet everyone?”

Steve snorts and nods, a smile on his face. Content with that, I follow him around the corner and into a more active part of the area.

Since I was shorter and smaller than Steve, I easily hid behind him as he walked towards a group of people who were chatting and laughing with each other.

“Hey guys” Steve calls out as we get closer to the group, and greetings of ‘Hey Cap’ and ‘Hey Steve’ were thrown our way.

“So, guys, this is Y/N” Steve gently pulls me out from behind him and everyone stops talking, looking at me with guarded expressions on their face. I nod at them with a blank expression and I attempt to step back behind Steve but he pulls me back, tutting gently.

“Y/N, these guys aren’t going to hurt you” My nose flares in disbelief as I look at everyone’s faces.

“Anyway, this is Clint, Sam, Bruce, Wanda and Natasha” Steve points to everyone he introduces me to, and I stare at Natasha, my eyes flicking from her face to her neck then back up to her amused expression.

“I – um – I’m sorry about your neck” I murmur, gesturing to Natasha and she shakes her head, smiling at me.

“It’s alright Y/N, not many people can pin me anyway”

The corners of my lips turn up slightly and that’s all I give her, but Steve knows that’s the equivalent of a smile.

“Ah, it’s Blackbird, back from rehab!” A loud voice says from behind the group, and I flinch, a shudder running through my body. The group immediately parts down the middle to reveal Tony and a large blonde man in armour and a cape with glasses of alcohol in their hands.

“Tony, she doesn’t go by that name anymore” Steve says sternly, glancing down at me to see how I’m handling the situation. And I deal with it the only way I know how that isn’t violent. I lower my head and look at the floor, avoiding everyone’s gaze as my hands clench into fists, trying to push away the violent thoughts in my head that Blackbird would be thinking.

“Oh of course not now that you have finished her rehab. Are you sure she won’t have a relapse while she’s out of the containment unit?”

My head whips up and I glare at him, a low growl in my throat, but I pull it back, thoughts flying through my mind as I take a step back.

“I’m going to go” I announce. Steve opens his mouth to say something but I hold my hand up for silence.

“I’m not going to leave the floor, Steve. I’m just going to get away from him” I point at Tony who grunts and drinks the last of his whiskey in one gulp, his eyebrow rising as he looks at me. I give a small smile to Steve before turning on my heel and walking away.

Steve watches her walk away and then rounds on Tony, his expression furious.

“What the hell was that Tony?”

“Calm down Cap, Fury wanted to test how well her rehab was going after you told him that you were bringing her with you this afternoon, so he asked me to test her. And I did”

“Tony, you nearly pushed her too far” Wanda warns Tony.

“You were lucky that she managed to rein herself in like that. I was monitoring her thoughts and they were taking a bad turn when she pulled them back.” Wanda turns to face Steve, her face serious.

“She was thinking of you Steve. How disappointed and angry you would be if she attacked Tony”

Steve smiled slightly, then turned his gaze back to Tony, his eyes darkening.

“Are you happy now Tony? Satisfied with her control” Steve spat out, and Tony nodded.

“I’ll tell Fury that she can handle herself” And with that, he walks away.

 

…………………

 

I growl to myself as I walk away from Steve and idiotic Stark. I didn’t want to lose Steve’s faith in me if I attacked Tony, hence why I walked away. I falter slightly as I don’t realise where I want to go without Steve, but after a second or so I spot a bar on the far side of the floor, with no people in sight.

Sighing, I walk up to one of the bar stools and sit on it, grabbing a bottle of vodka and a glass. I’m just about to pour it when my ears pick up a sound somewhere to my right. I look to my right and at first I see nothing, but then Bucky slowly walks out of the shadows. He’s wearing civilian clothes, a pair of tight jeans and a short sleeved black shirt accentuating his body. I narrow my eyes at him and he smiles at me.

“Hey Y/N”

My gaze is drawn to his arm, and how he almost broadcasts it, not even trying to hide it. I hug my arms to my stomach and I lock eyes with him.

“I know revealing your arms to everyone can be intimidating but these people are nice. They don’t judge” Bucky says honestly, his flesh hand rubbing his metal forearm.

“So, no one cares that I’ve killed and tortured millions of people with my arms?” I raise my eyebrows at him. Bucky goes to say something but I keep talking.

“I had both my arms when they abducted me, did you know that? Right off the bat, they amputated BOTH my arms and gave me these, all because they thought that one arm was good, so two must be better, right?” I stare down at my metal fingers protruding from the motorcycle gloves. I can sense Bucky moving closer but I continue to talk.

“I’m based off you Bucky. I never realised it before but looking back at when you captured me, we are so similar it’s uncanny. Hydra didn’t want something that could beat the Winter Soldier, they wanted another Winter Soldier. You don’t know how it feels to be second best to the original” I mutter, my voice low but I know that his super hearing would be able to hear me.

“Y/N, you’re right, I don’t know how it feels. But here you can become your own person. You can leave Hydra behind, and we’ll help you. I’ll help you” Bucky’s voice is soft, and when I look up I see his face is open and sincere.

“Why do you want to help me? I was made to replace you, to hunt you down if you failed” I grab the bottle of vodka and lift it to my lips, getting ready to drink it straight from the bottle, but Bucky’s flesh hand wraps around my metal wrist, gently pulling it down and taking the vodka from me, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Because no one deserves to be made an assassin. No one deserves to be brainwashed to kill” Bucky says quietly, replacing the bottle of vodka with whiskey and grabs another glass for himself. He pours whiskey into both glasses and slides one over to me. I grab it and gulp it down. Bucky matches it and pours another glass for both of us.

“You know we can’t get drunk, right?” Bucky laughs at my expression.

“What? Damn it” I sip my second glass, staring into the space before me. I’m so preoccupied that I don’t hear footsteps behind me, and I nearly jump out of the chair when a hand lands on my shoulder, but it turns out that it was only Steve.

“Sorry Y/N, it’s just me. I know you don’t really like Tony but I figured you would want to watch him get drunk off Thor’s Asgardian liquor” Steve’s voice is soft as he watches my face for my reaction. I must have looked nervous as he continues to talk.

“And afterwards I‘ll show you to your new room, if you would like?”

“Please” I say tiredly. Steve offers his hand to me and I take it gladly, relishing in the warmth that warms the cold metal of my fingers. He gently guides me towards a large table surrounded by Avengers, and I can hear Bucky following us, obviously making his footsteps heavier for everyone’s benefit.

When I get closer to the table, I can see the blond man that I presume is Thor pouring liquid from a silver flask into shot glasses. I hear Clint ask if he can join, and he does. I quickly step forward, my hand slipping out of Steve’s as I pull forward, and Bucky and Steve follow behind, curious about what I would do.

I walk up behind Tony, and I can see that Clint has seen me and was looking at me, intrigued about what I would do.

“Whatcha drinking?” I say quietly from behind Tony, who jumps because he hadn’t heard me walk up behind me. Thor turns around and studies me for a moment, then breaks into a grin.

“Ah, hello Lady Blackbird!”

I glare up at him, studying his face intently, searching for signs of purposely pissing me off. But after examining Thor’s bright smile and sparkling eyes, I decide that he probably thought that was my actual name.

“Um, you can just call me Y/N. Not Blackbird, just Y/N” I smile hesitantly up at him, and Thor nods happily, a hand landing on my shoulder as he pulls me forward to the table.

“Well, Lady Y/N, I have brought some Asgardian alcohol and Tony has challenged me and Clint to a drinking contest. Would you like to participate as well?”

“Well, you know alcohol won’t affect me, right? Alcohol just burns off in my body because of the serum. Right Steve?” I turn back to check with Steve, who nods, and so does Bucky from behind him.

“Well, try it anyway and watch Tony and Arrow Man become drunk” I chuckle at Thor’s words, and I accept the shot glass he hands me. 

“And, go!” Thor says excitedly, and we all lift our shot glasses to our lips and gulp the liquid down. It burns going down my throat, and I cough once, but then the burning becomes a nice tingly sensation, tasting vaguely of liquorice and cherry.

I slam the shot glass down which was echoed by three other glasses, and I chuckle as Tony’s face turns red, and Clint stumbles against the table, his eyebrows furrowing as he had a coughing fit. I look up at Thor and I hear his loud laugh, and I nearly laugh with him.

“Lady Y/N, what does it taste like to you?”

“Um, like liquorice and cherry. May I have another?” I hold out my shot glass, and he obliges, pouring it to the top. I hold it up in thanks then gulp it down, slamming it down on the table, shooting a smile at Thor before I walk away, heading back towards Steve and Bucky, no smile on my face but my eyes were sparkling, which let Steve know that I was happy.

“Alright you drunk, time to show you your room” Steve teases, a hand falling to the small of my back, guiding me back to the elevator.

“I’m not a drunk, Steve!” I exclaim, looking back at him as Bucky trails along behind us.

“Sure, sure” Steve smirks, herding me and Bucky into the lift. We fall silent, and I slip my hand into Steve’s, relishing in the warmth of his fingers and palm.

“Alright, you’re on our floor. That’s my room, then Buck’s, and that’s yours” Steve points at each door as he says it’s occupant. Smiling at me, he pushes me towards the door, and, slowly, I walk towards the door. I pause at the door, my nose flaring at the fact I’ve been living in a see through cube for six months and the fact that I can’t see into the room is freaking me out and I don’t want to touch the door and -

The door in front of me creaks open, and I flinch with shock, turning to see Bucky right next to me, his face serious as he moves back from me.

“I got it, Doll”

I nod, And I slip into the room, taking a quick look to Steve for reassurance. When he nods, I nod back and disappear into the room.

 

“Alright Steve, what’s up with the touching and checking in with you every 10 seconds” Bucky asks Steve, his eyebrows furrowed at Steve.

“Buck, it’s purely platonic I promise. She never had comforting skin on skin contact during her time at Hydra, and she craves it. The first night she had a nightmare I comforted her, and now, I’m happy to oblige when she needs the comfort. And since I was her only contact for 6 months, she’s grown to look to me for approval, to check that what she’s doing is right. Even you were slightly clingy the first weeks after your ‘rehab’” Steve explains in a reassuring voice, his eyes sincere as he looks at Bucky.

“It’s purely platonic on my side. I promise” Steve looks at Bucky, waiting for a response.

“Okay Steve. I just wanted to know.” Bucky lifts his hand in a peace gesture.

“I just want her to be safe”

Steve nods, and in unison, the super soldiers walk back to their rooms.

 

…………………………

 

Y/N’s scream pierces Steve’s sleep and he jerks up, his body already out of bed before his mind had caught up. He rushes out of his room and bursts into Y/N’s room, instantly seeing Y/N’s thrashing body on her bed, her skin covered in sweat as her body bucked and writhed, her mouth open and guttural screams echoing from her mouth. But what Steve doesn’t expect to see was Bucky, his body tense as he turns around to face Steve, his eyes wide.

“I don’t know how to help her Steve”

Steve quickly runs forward and kneels on the bed, leaning over Y/N’s convulsing body and pinning her arms down to the bed, which makes her struggle even harder. But when Steve leans down and whispers words in her ear, she gradually stops moving, her screams fading into whimpers. Sighing gently, Steve leans back and gathers her in his arms, positioning her face so it nestles into his neck, and she breathes in deeply, calming down even further.

“There we go, you’re alright, you’re safe” Steve soothes, rubbing circles into her back. Soon her whimpers disappear and she goes limp in his arms, her breath coming out evenly as she falls asleep. Steve gently lays her back down against the pillows, making her comfortable before quickly getting of the bed and beckons Bucky to follow him when he walks out of the room.

“Buck, why were you even in there? How’d you get there so fast?” Steve asks gently, turning to face Bucky who looks down sheepishly.

“I couldn’t sleep so I was walking up and down the hall when I heard her whimpering. So I peeked in and when I saw that she was so distressed, I walked in, and I swear I didn’t do anything but she started to scream” 

Steve sighs at Bucky’s sad face and gently pats his shoulder.

“It’s alright Buck. I’ve unintentionally become the only person that can help her calm down, but she may be a bit more open to you because of both of your past experiences.” Steve didn’t even finish his sentence when Bucky starts to shake his head.

“She doesn’t trust me Stevie, she blames me. Hydra gave her two metal arms because one arm was good but two were better” Bucky’s voice is bitter. “She was made to copy me, to kill me, and she knows it”

“Oh Buck. It’s oka – Wait, what did you just say?”

Bucky looks up and notices the slight panic in Steve’s eyes.

“I said that she was a copy of me”

“Shit. The trigger words. We don’t know if she had trigger words” Steve starts to pace back and forth. “We can’t deal with this in the morning, we need to deal with this now” Steve strides towards Y/n’s bed and kneels next to her, not touching her as he leans over her.

“Y/n, sweetheart! Sweetheart I need to ask you something” Steve whispers, and he jumps back when Y/n flings herself out of the bed and into the corner, her eyes wide and pants hissing through her teeth as she stares at the two other supersoldiers.

“Hey Y/n, it’s just us, just Steve and Bucky, no one else” Steve soothes as he takes a small step towards her, and he opens his arms slightly. She releases a sigh and slowly steps into his embrace, her eyes closing when his arms wrap around her waist.

“Jeez Steve, you need to be careful when you do that. You may be a super soldier but I can still hurt you” Y/n reminds him as she pulls back, her face stern as she studies Steve’s face. Steve can’t help but chuckle, but when Bucky coughs, his smile falls off his face.

“Listen Y/n, we need to ask you something which is extremely important” Bucky says as he takes a step closer to Steve and Y/n, and after Steve’s prodding, Y/n moves to the bed, sitting cross legged on the cover as her hands nervously fidget with the hem of her shirt.

“What is it?”

Bucky sighs and sits on the end of her bed, and Y/n unconsciously moves back from him till her back is against the headboard.

“When HYDRA had me, they conditioned me to become the Winter Soldier when I heard a specific set of words. Trigger words. Steve and I need to know if you have them”

Y/n frowns as she bites her lip, her eyes staring down at the bed covers as she thinks. Bucky glances at Steve but he gestures for him to wait. He knew that Y/n had to filter through a lot of memories where some weren’t even complete, so he learnt to let her have time to work through her mind and thoughts.

“Trigger words? Like ones that make you have memory lapses?” She looks up, fear and confusion in her eyes. “Ones that relate to me?”

“Yes” Bucky breathes out, his eyes focused on hers. “the words bring back the other you”

“Blackbird is not me!” she hisses, and Bucky nods.

“I know she isn’t, just like the Winter Soldier isn’t me. But now we are two different people, and I hope to never be him again. But I got rid of my trigger words. But you, you still have your trigger words, and HYDRA can use it against you, whether it’s in person, or on the phone, anyway they can tell you. So, if you know them, you have to tell us, so we can help you get rid of them”

Y/n stares at Bucky, her (Y/e/c) eyes boring into his as her metal fingers fidget with a pen she had picked up from the bedside table, her fingers clinking as she spun the pen around her fingers, twirling them faster the more she got distressed.

“Y/n” Steve says softly, but she absentmindedly shushes him, then her eyes widen as they flick to Steve.

“Sorry” she whispers but Steve shakes his head and kneels to the bed and lets his hand rest on the bed covers in front of her, palm facing up if she wanted the comfort of his hand. 

“It’s alright, I’m not mad. Just tell Bucky what you can”

Y/n nods and gently grabs Steve’s hand, then looks up at Bucky.

“I think I remember them. But they make my brain hurt to think about them” she frowns and winces slightly, her hand squeezing Steve’s tightly before softening her grip.

“I know Y/n, I know. It will hurt but if you can write them down, then we can help you get rid of them, stop the pain”

Y/n’s breathing speeds up a little till she forces herself to calm down, her eyes squeezed shut and her body relaxed.

“It hurts” she says quietly, her face twitching slightly.

“Kiln” she said softly and Steve scrambled for a journal that he had gotten for Y/n to write her thoughts in. He then hands it to Bucky, who gently takes the pen that Y/n had been fiddling with and dropped, and he scribbles down the first word.

“Innocence. Tin. Two. Endless. Growth. Foster. One hundred and seven. Blank.” Y/n’s jaw clenches and her hand clutches Steve’s in a death grip. Then, with her free hand, she gestures for the pen and notepad and Bucky quickly giver it to her, and she scribbles the last word down. Field.

“Thank you, Sweetheart” Steve cooed as he carefully takes the notepad and pen from Y/n and gives it to Bucky, who moves off the bed. Steve gently presses Y/n down fully on the bed and let’s go of her hand and moves his hand to her shoulder.

“It’s alright Y/n. You did so well, you can sleep now”

Y/n blindly reaches out for Steve with a frown on her lips, her eyes already fluttering closed.

“Don’t leave me, Steve. Please”

“It’s aright Y/n, Bucky and I will be right here” Steve says quietly as he sits in a nearby chair, his fingers tangling with hers.

“Bucky” she breathes out before she falls asleep completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blackbird's trigger words and meanings:
> 
> Furnace, benign, rusted, one, daybreak, nine, longing, seventeen, homecoming, freight car
> 
> Kiln(reshaped), innocence (taken away from her at young age), tin (tin man from wizard of oz), two(arms), endless (endless servitude), growth (HYDRA head grows back), foster (HYDRA is her new home and life), one hundred and seven (107th infantry), blank (blank memory, blank mind), field (taken from the field with the bird)
> 
> Hey guys, I based Blackbird's trigger words on Bucky's, and I changed them obviously, so above are her trigger words and what they mean


	4. Chapter 4

“Steve, I don’t think I can do this” Y/n says quietly, her hand clenched in the back of Steve’s shirt as they slowly walk towards the meeting room that Tony has summoned them too. Steve stopped and turned around so he’s facing Y/n, his hands curling around her shoulders.

“Y/n, you have no need to be afraid of the rest of the team, I promise” Steve says soothingly, but Y/n still looks doubtful.

“I think they will never trust me no matter what you say or think. I could have killed Natasha and badly injured you and Bucky.”

“Y/n, Bucky went through the same thing you’re going through, and they accepted him” Yn shakes her head as she steps back from Steve, out of his reach.

“Bucky had you, an anchor that also had credibility with the team. I don’t have anyone” Y/n looked up with scared eyes as she slowly took backwards steps away from Steve.

“Y/n, please, there is no need to run” Steve’s eyes are sad as he follows her with small, quick steps.

”Please, Y/n, you have to trust me”

“I trust you. I don’t trust them” With that, Y/n spins on her heel and runs to the elevators, veering to the side as she heads for the stairs.

“FRIDAY, lock down this level!” By the time Steve had said that, Y/n had disappeared, the doors slamming shut behind her.

 

…………………….

 

I’m scared. I can’t help but think that as I run up the stairs, my arms pumping by my sides, and I’m barely even out of breath.

I couldn’t believe myself. I had run away from Steve, the only person I could trust, and he was the only one that believed in me. God, he made me feel safe, and protected, and he could bring me back when I relapsed. I realise that I’m crying and I finally get to the top of the stairs after almost 15 minutes of running up the stairs. I burst through the door and emerge onto the roof. I stumble, and I run the railing, bracing myself on the metal as I lean over it. I could feel Blackbird at the edge of my mind, hovering, wanting to take control again.

“No no no no” I repeat to myself as I rock back and forth, falling to my knees and I lean my forehead against the cool metal, begging myself to calm down.

“Y/n?”

I jump to my feet and whip around, my lips bared in a snarl and my eyes narrowed at the figure that was standing in the doorway of the stairs. The figure slowly raises his hands in a peaceful gesture and takes a step forward.

“Y/n, it’s me, Bucky. You’re in the Avenger’s Tower, you are on the roof, you are safe” Bucky says loudly so I can hear him. I breath heavily before I take a few steps to my left, watching him as I then sprinted away from him towards the other end of the roof. I run into the shadows and behind a large vent, crouching behind it.

“Y/n, Doll, I promise, whatever you’re thinking, it’s okay” Bucky calls out, and I don’t hear him move, his voice still coming from the other side of the roof.

“I know how you feel, not wanting to hurt Steve after all he’s done for you. I know he makes you feel safe, and I know he can bring you back when you feel Blackbird taking over. But sometimes things can be hard, and you need to stand up and be brave, to hold your ground even when it seems that everyone is against you” I peek over the top of the vent to see that Bucky had moved to the centre of the roof, his eyes on the ground as he breathed evenly, obviously waiting for any response from me.

I’m about to make my move when a glint catches my eyes. I look over the edge of the roof to look at the roof of the closest building, and my breath catches in my throat as I see a sniper hiding on the roof, holding a fully automatic rifle in his hand, his finger already on the trigger. I follow his line of sight, and I growl to myself when I see a red dot centred on the back of Bucky’s head.

Before I even thought of any plan, my body was jumping over the vent and I ran towards Bucky at full speed. Bucky hears the sounds of my footsteps and looks up, a look of surprise crossing his face as I reach him and shove him backwards, just as three bullets were shot in quick succession at where Bucky was standing, before I shoved him away. I was standing where he stood.

I felt three patches of numbness blossom in my chest, but I don’t let that stop me as I drew my gun that Steve let me keep, and I shot the sniper, a head shot that had him instantly collapsing against the wall he was leaning against.

I’m breathing heavily, and I barely register my gun falling from my limp fingers. I turn back to look at Bucky who was staring at me, shock written across his face as he looks up at me. I look down at my chest and I see three patches of red staining my shirt, all clustered around the left side of my chest, right where my heart was. I look up at Bucky again and sigh.

“Tell Steve I’m sorry” I whisper before I collapse, darkness taking over.

 

……………………………

 

Steve and all the other Avengers rushed into the waiting room and Steve rushes to Bucky who was standing at the observation window, his eyes focused on Y/n’s limp figure on the operating table, her shirt and bra cut away and her chest was covered by a light blue material that had an opening that revealed the skin that had three red bullet holes.

Both supersoldiers were silent as they watched the doctors insert IV’s into the backs of her hands and place an oxygen mask over her face, then a nurse looks apologetically at the soldiers as she draws a curtain that obscures their sight of Y/n and the doctors.

Steve huffs and his hand clenches by his side.

“What happened Buck?” he grinds out, and he only then notices that Bucky’s hand was gripping the window sill and his grip was cracking the wood.

“Buck, relax” Steve says soothingly as he runs a hand over Bucky’s shoulder and sighs when Bucky relaxes imperceptibly.

“She saved me” he whispers, and he forces himself to take a deep breath, struggling to breathe and calm himself down. He looks at Steve and begs him to take control, act like the Captain he was and revert him to the soldier that was left over from getting rid of his trigger words.

Steve sighed before he let his hand slide off Bucky’s shoulder.

“Soldier, mission report”

Bucky sucks in a breath at Steve’s words, and his breathing evens out.

“I followed Y/n up to the room. She was startled and scared but calmed down slightly, then ran off and hid on the other side of the roof. I was talking out loud, hoping she could hear me when I heard her running at me. I thought she was going to attack me but she just pushed me out of the way before a sniper fired three shots in quick succession at where I was standing, which is where Y/n was now standing as she had shoved me out of the way” Bucky pauses and looks Steve in the eyes.  
“She told me to tell you that she’s sorry”

Steve clenched his teeth as he patted Bucky’s shoulder and pulls him in for a side hug, releasing him when he hears a cough from behind him. He glares at the team that were standing behind him, ashamed looks on some of their faces.

“Steve, we just wanted to say that we’re sorry for doubting you about how well Y/n had progressed” Natasha says first, her eyes focused on Steve’s. Steve sighs and nods his acknowledgment.

“It’s not me you should be apologising to. When Y/n wakes up and is out of surgery, you’ll apologise to her” Steve says forcefully and everyone nods. And that’s when they hear Y/n scream.

Bucky and Steve don’t hesitate as they run into the operating room and they pause as they survey what’s happening. Y/n was jerking and thrashing on the operating table, her eyes closed as it seems that she was stuck in a nightmare, blood was streaming out of the bullet wounds that had been cut into so the doctors could remove the bullets. The doctors were struggling to pin her down, and both Bucky and Steve shove them out of the way, Steve going to Y/n’s head as Bucky pinned down her legs.

“Come on sweetheart, it’s me, Stevie, settle down for me, your safe, I’m here” Steve croons in Y/n’s ear, his large hands pinning down her flailing arms. Her eyes are still squeezed shut but she was slowly calming down, her body going still as her eyes flickered open.

“Steve?” she asks groggily, her eyes rolling around the room as Steve moved to sit down behind her, keeping her head resting in his lap, his hand stroking her hair.  
“Hey, Sweetheart. You’re alright. How are you feeling?”

“Tingly. My chest is numb” Y/n mumbles as her chest twitches and more blood oozes out of the wound. Steve looked at Bucky frantically, and Bucky gestured for the doctors to keep going with the bullet extraction, and he gestured for Steve to keep Y/n distracted.

“Alright Y/n, I want you to keep your eyes on me, all right?” Steve uses his hand to tilt her head back so her eyes are focused on him. She nods against his hand, her eyes slipping closed.

“Where am I, Stevie?” she mumbles, ignoring the doctors that crowd around her left side, using forceps to dig around in the bullet holes.

“You’re nowhere, Doll, just close your eyes and listen to my voice okay?”

“Okay Stevie” she whispers, but then her face twitches, but she obediently keeps her eyes closed.

“Where’s Buchanan?” Bucky bites back a laugh as she uses his middle name, and he moves towards the head of the bed, using his metal hand to brush some hair out of her face.

“I’m right here, Doll. Safe and sound thanks to you”

“That’s good. Didn’t want to hurt Steve, didn’t want to let sniper hurt Bucky” she grumbles, her head leaning into Bucky’s metal palm.

“Fucking shot the sniper in the face” She growled, and Bucky chuckled.

“That you did, Doll, that you did. I owe you one now”

“You owe me one? No one’s ever owed me one before” her eyebrows crinkle together in confusion, her right hand coming up to trace Bucky’s metal hand, her fingers following the grooves.

“Well, you have now. How bout tonight I’ll make you my famous hot chocolate? I used to make it for Stevie back in the day when we had the supplies”

“Chocolate?”

Bucky frowns, and both he and Steve look down at her.

“Haven’t you had chocolate before?” Steve asks as he gently strokes her hair.

“I don’t know” her head twists back and forth but Bucky quickly cups her face in both hands.

“Doll, it’s alright if you don’t know. But you’ll love what I make you. You trust me?”

“I trust you Bucky.” She sighs.

“I only trust you and Stevie. Stevie cause he’s nice and helped me be me, and you because you’re me and I’m you” 

“That’s right, Doll. But you are so much prettier than me. Don’t you think so, Steve?”

“I think so too, Pal” Steve grins, and Y/n opens her eyes, squinting at them.

“Buck”

“Yeah, Doll?”

“You are so much prettier than Steve”

Bucky burst out in laughter, and Y/n joins in too when she looks up and sees Steve’s offended face.

“Y/n! I’ll have you know, Captain America is desirable” Steve says in an affronted tone, and Y/n and Bucky both chuckle.

One of the doctors taps Bucky on the shoulder and indicates that they were done operating on Y/n. When they were distracting Y/n, they didn’t notice that they had extracted all the bullets and dressed the wound.

“Oh, everything’s dizzy” Y/n mumbles as her eyes rolls back into her head. Bucky and Steve look at the doctor’s who point at the IV.

“We’ve given her some sedative so she can sleep. She needs to sleep to recover faster” One of the doctor’s explain.

“Alright” Steve nods to himself before he looks down at Y/n.

“It’s fine, Y/n, you’re just going to nap for a few hours.”

“Don’t leave me. My dreams hurt I don’t want to go back” Y/n starts to cry, her eyes wide and open as they flick between Steve and Bucky. Her back arches as she squirms in Steve’s lap, trying to fight the sedative getting pumped into her.

Bucky exchanged a look with Steve before he wrapped his arms around Y/n’s back and pulls her up into his arms. He gently guides her face to nuzzle into his neck and hugs her close, copying what Steve did the night that they both saw her in her nightmare throes.

“We’re right here, Doll. Me and Steve are right her. I’m not letting you go, you hear me” Bucky whispers in her ear, his arms tight around her back, stopping her writhing and bucking. She lets a cry as she clings to Bucky, her face pressed against his neck.

“I – I don’t want – I don’t want to sleep” she cries, her fingers digging into Bucky’s back. Bucky gestures at Steve to get out off the bed. When he does, Bucky twists around so his back is pressed against the headboard of the bed and Y/n is curled up in his lap, her face still nuzzled against his neck.

“Come on, Y/n, I’m right her with you, not gonna hurt ya” Bucky croons, some of his Brooklyn accent bleeding into his voice. Y/n shakes her head and Bucky sighs.  
“You can only get better if you sleep. And I’ll be right here” Bucky strokes Y/n’s hair gently, his eyes following Steve as he leads the doctors out of the room, closing the door behind him. “There’s only you and me in here, no one here to hurt you”

“Please Doll, I want you to get better. Steve wants you to get better. Hell, you need to get better so Tony can apologise to ya. Can’t wait for that egotistical bastard to say sorry.”

Y/n’s muffled snicker makes Bucky smile, his arms tightening around her. And soon, her breathing evened out and she relaxed against Bucky’s body, curling in on him slightly. Bucky leaned back against the pillows and smiled, before letting himself drift off to sleep.


End file.
